This is a journal entry about relationships that I wrote to myself back in my twenties, when I was less seasoned by life and more naive and exuberant in my thoughts and faith. Actually, I am not sure my writing style has changed dramatically since (or that I am even the wiser), but at least now in my midlife I try to consciously balance the left and right hemispheres in my thinking, as well as be actively engaged in learning from other sources of wisdom imparted to the planet. Still, I appreciate moments like this when I let my guard down and simply indulge in a pretentious sort of way, as it seems fitting that truth-seeking words should carry with them a lofty fragrance, or at least an attempt to elevate them above the mundane. I think this was my own personal Desiderata at the time, directed at specific faults I saw in myself. Yet I find that it has value even today, for the labor of overcoming is still present.
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Improving Relationships
The closeness of your relationships seems to be drifting rapidly. If you want to salvage them, then there are several things that you must begin now to accomplish. If you will dedicate yourself to these things, then you will bring about lasting, positive changes in your relationships and open doorways for further growth.
One thing that really wrecks relationships is being judgmental or overly critical. People expect and need encouragement so that they can build faith in themselves. Sharp verbal jabs and an exasperating attitude only fuel any of a person’s insecurities that are already present, and may in fact spark new ones. In addition, one should not be so critical as to fling a person’s previous mistakes back into his/her face as a means of dominating an argument. This attitude only reminds him/her of their failures and can cause a very insecure person to extrapolate these failures to their self - thus they become a “failure.”
In conquering your critical nature, work on eliminating your sarcastic quips and unwholesome humor as a means of poking fun at their verbal/facial expressions. These immature retaliations not only threaten to throw the conversations off onto unnecessary tangents, but also will greatly irritate the recipients in time.
Much critical nature can be found to be directly related to your lack of discipline in controlling your negative emotions. Use rationality to pierce through your anger so that you can make wise and positive decisions. Cursing in the heat of a dilemma almost always fuels the hot emotional fires. Further, if left untreated, the anger can carry itself into fits of physical violence on yourself or another person. It is best to not let the day pass while you are angry, but to rectify the situation in a positive way so that you can start tomorrow with a clean bill of health. You will find by seeking to make wise, rational choices, without the obstacle of anger to hinder the process, that you will place less blame on others out of fear and your mad search for a scapegoat when something goes wrong. In time you will learn to better accept responsibility for your own mistakes and thus eventually overcome them. Blaming others for mistakes not their own can only breed distrust and cause you to be viewed as a person of fake stature.
In controlling your emotions you will find that being sensitive to the needs of others, and acting to fulfill those needs, goes a long way in restoring a darkened heart. This is one of the benefits of loving. However, to achieve this, one has to nurture a wholesome view of love, relationships, and sex so that the proper respect and compassion for others as human beings is deeply obtained within the heart.
To accomplish all of these necessary objectives, you will have to humble yourself as a human before your Creator. In so doing, your pride will not become so great a stumbling block of which has undoubtedly been the source of your relational problems. Since God can overcome the selfish and self-centered nature of man, seek Him through faith, prayer, and study of His commands so that you may attain to new heights of strength and wisdom for these endeavors. You will find lasting benefits from this righteous direction. You will encourage and help build the self-esteem of other people with whom you relate, and they will look to you for more of this solid type of nourishment - of which you are only a vessel in its delivery from God.
This path will increase your capacity to love by removing the damaging negative energies, thereby drawing you closer to the Source of love. Love and wisdom will therefore find new room in your soul. Ultimately God will burn away all of your relational obstacles and purify you, thus restoring broken bonds and bringing about lasting relationships that transcend time and space.
Love is our response when we truly understand that Life is a gift.